Howdy Friends! There is a difference between a compliant horse and a willing partner. A horse trained into compliance by the use of dominant tactics, force or stiff unrelenting repetition and gadgets, will always feel the need to test each new rider, owner or caregiver. They will not test out of rebellion or defiance. Rather they know no other way to understand what is expected of them.


Never knowing the connection that comes with existing as a willing partner, the compliant horse understands no other feeling than worry. The compliant horse worries ceaselessly about “getting it right.” That limits their ability to welcome their person into their heart. It limits their ability to truly soften, think and become the partner they could be, and want to be.

Worry may not always be easy to recognizes.

Horses hide worry. But simple things like tight lips, ridged or semi ridged posture, distant eyes, sensitive to touch, crowding, hurrying when leading. Dancing about on the lead or when tied. Anything that seems restless, unsettled, IS restless and unsettled. Yes, with what folks commonly call discipline, training, gadgets and “firm” commands a worried horse (too often referred to as a “disobedient” horse) can be made to be compliant.

Repetition in training (I despise that very word), schooling, perfecting movements, over correcting, over schooling, our impatience, all build roadblocks to creating a willing partner. Those things build walls around the horse that prohibit her ability to see you as someone with whom she would like to partner. Don’t get confused here by thinking, “My horse loves to drill and practice.” Sometimes a horse will give flashes of willingness and excitement during repetitive drills and practice, because they have become familiar with them. It can actually become a safe place for the compliant horse. But the softness, contentment and ability of a truly deeply willing horse will far outshine the ability and contentment of a compliant horse.

But what of another paradigm?

One of, putting the horse first. Yes we have horses because we want to do things with them. With them should mean, “With them.” With their willingness, happiness and love of being with us. Playing with us, competing with us. That is putting the horse first.

How do we do that? How can we have a willing partner? A major component to building that partnership is to “put the horse first.” Ask yourself, “What’s in it for the horse? What will my horse get out of this?” We all know what we want. Why should our horse care or want it if they are not our partner?

Little things like allowing the horse all the time she needs to understand. Whenever I work with someone and their horse the first thing I say is, “We are now on horse time, not people time.” We must always, “Ignore the negative and celebrate the Positive.”

Our human instinct is to correct.

We must stop that. Replace correcting with leading. Gently show her the correct way. Replace correcting with leading. Show her what you are asking. Give her time to understand. Be sure to reward the slightest attempt with grand celebration. NEVER, ever not a single time, scold or interrupt or discipline. Go with it. Allow her to progress with encouragement. Do not push her with force, harsh words and demands. To do that is the very definition of rude behavior. Never be rude.

Everyone who knows me knows I believe the most important thing is giving to the horse.

We must give more than we ask. We must meet them more than halfway. A part of building any relationship with our horses I believe must be their housing, diet, exercise and comfort. I believe a regular routine of softening exercises in my book, IT’S FOR THE HORSES, that encourage proper posture and movements do so much to “give to the horse” and build that bond. They truly do give to the horse and ask nothing in return.

The secret to having a willing partner is really no secret at all. Be one yourself. In everything put your horse first. ~ Gitty Up, Dutch.


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